No, I Do Not Want to Be The Main Character

On Perception of Self and “Main Character Energy”.

The novelification of our lives took center stage in the post-COVID world. After years of stolen time—missed freshman experiences, canceled senior semesters, and the vanished early years of our twenties—we were desperate to live. Social media encouraged us to "do it for the plot," a modern-day YOLO mantra that demanded we chase experiences at full speed. No sleep! Bus, club, another club, another club, plane, next place!—Lady Gaga’s words became our collective doctrine.

But what if Main Character Energy (MCE) isn’t as empowering as it seems? What if constantly chasing the “plot” keeps us trapped in inertia, rather than in control of our own stories?

Let’s Digest!

I never wanted to be the main character. And I never will.

When I first heard the phrase Main Character Energy, I was confused. Most main characters are, quite frankly, a mess.

Take Hannah Horvath from Girls. She envies Tally Schifrin, a woman with everything she desires—literary acclaim, an effortless magnetism, a stable life. Yet, Tally is merely a guest character. Hannah, on the other hand, stumbles through self-sabotage and breakdowns and breakups because she is the main character.

Or consider Carrie Bradshaw in Sex and the City. She chases Mr. Big for years, only for him to declare he doesn’t want to get married again or even more gut wrenching — she’s "not the marrying type”. Yet, he goes on to propose to his new girlfriend Natasha after five months. And yet, Natasha, Big’s brief wife, walks away with dignity, a successful career, and a life Carrie will always envy. And continues to envy in “And Just Like That”. Once again, the supporting character flourishes, while the main character flounders in perpetual dysfunction.

This is the pattern: main characters are rarely the ones with their lives together. Side characters are almost always flourishing in comparison to main characters, they tend to be the voice of reason on a show or the person that holds the main character accountable and to a higher standard, whether they intend to or not. For characters like Carrie and Hannah there almost always has to be a self imposed hurdle to cross — one that is seldom adversity but a recurring manifestation of the consequences of their actions. They are both the antagonist and the protagonist of their own lives.

So why, exactly, would I want to be the main character?

Act II : The Age of Digital Performance

Today, social media turns young women into spectacles—things to be interpreted, consumed, performed. The attention economy rewards those who share their most intimate, chaotic experiences. Going viral requires a good story, and Main Character Energy or “MCE” encourages us to see our lives as nothing more than content to be packaged and sold.

This is why we see influencers confessing their worst dating disasters or posting “Who TF Did I Marry?” style exposés. It’s not just about having experiences—it’s about repackaging them for an audience. Doing it for the plot sometimes creates a compromised “digital footprint”. And don’t get me wrong I absolutely love a little “Who TF Did I Marry” story time video but at the same time doing things for the reward of online vitality can be hot or miss.

Even Hannah Horvath does this. She’s so obsessed with living for the plot that she turns other people’s lives into her content. She even resents Tally because she was “lucky” enough to have had her boyfriend die—because it gives her a better story to tell.

Jessa: “Your boyfriend should kill himself," "You deserve it."

Hannah: "You're just saying that because you love me,"

When your life revolves around “doing it for the plot,” you aren’t living for yourself. You’re living for engagement, for reactions, for an audience that will move on to the next viral saga in 24 hours.

Breaking Up With the Idea of Yourself

The problem with Main Character Energy isn’t just self involvement—it’s hyper-individualism.

We romanticize main characters, but how often are they people who have the capacity to put others first? When people channel MCE, they don’t think of protagonists like Mulan or Olivia Benson. No, they think of Regina George or Olivia Pope—characters who prioritize their own desires above all else.

Our society has glorified independence to the point where helping others is seen as an optional burden rather than a natural part of human connection. Nowhere is this more evident than in the growing discourse around caring for aging parents.I’ve seen viral think pieces where people proudly declare they won’t take care of their aging parents—not because of estranged relationships, but simply because they don’t want to. Their reasoning? I didn’t ask to be born or "Parents have kids just so someone will take care of them later." Maybe their sentiments say more about their parents flaws rather than theirs.

Still, what strikes me is the underlying assumption: a belief that any form of sacrifice is unfair, that giving of oneself—even to those who raised you—is an unacceptable inconvenience. The irony is that selfish people assume everyone else operates with the same selfish mindset. This "me-centric" ideology seeps into how we move through the world. Do we imagine Carrie Bradshaw skipping dinner because she has to care for someone else? The idea itself feels absurd.I mean she sends Aidan to help a very naked Miranda, when she falls getting out of the shower. The ethos of "main character energy" tells us that no one, no matter how close, should expect our help—that we should all fend for ourselves. But what happens when *you* need care? When you get sick? When you need help raising your own children? Hyper-individualism feels empowering—until the moment you realize that a society built on self-interest has no safety net, no community, no reciprocity. So, maybe it’s time to de-center ourselves. Maybe the true "main character move" isn’t self-obsession, but being a main character in other peoples lives, by being there for them and allowing them to do the same for you.

When you treat people as inconveniences, they will reciprocate.

Being a Main Character is inherently rooted in self-importance and selfishness—the belief that my desires outweigh the needs of those around me. It lacks the depth required to consider others’ perspectives, to recognize that they, too, matter. While most main characters exude confidence, they are often riddled with insecurity, viewing the world through a self-centered lens that distorts reality to bend to their favor.

The opposite of Main Character Energy isn’t “life stage fright” or an inability to take control—it’s actually the willingness to take ownership of your life. Main characters often behave as though life is something that happens to them rather than something they actively shape. The characters I’ve mentioned don’t lack ambition, but they consistently avoid responsibility, stuck in cycles of self-inflicted chaos. Their turmoil isn’t just about external struggles—it stems from their envy of those, like Tally or Natasha, who do take control of their lives.

(obviously these supporting character have flaws, and highs and lows of their own)

In Defense of Main Character Energy

That said, I won’t pretend MCE is entirely bad. Historically, women have been sidelined, cast as caretakers or supporting characters in everyone else’s stories. It seems women can only be this type of complex confidence if they’re written and not in real life. MCE shifts the narrative—it tells women that our stories matter too. It gives us permission to prioritize ourselves, to stop seeing self-sacrifice as our only value.Main Character Energy flips that script, giving the green light to prioritize ourselves—something many of us have been conditioned to neglect. Maybe one could argue being the Main Character is different than tapping into Main Character Energy.

But true empowerment isn’t about being the main character—it’s about taking control of your life. Ironically, most main characters don’t do that. Instead, they drift, self-sabotage, and envy those with real agency. They approach relationships and friends ships as though they are above reproach.

But being the main character in your own life doesn’t mean you can’t be a supporting character in someone else’s. It simply means you recognize that your story is just as worthy of center stage.There is a way to be in control of your life and confident where we are neither passive narrators nor self-absorbed protagonists, but fully autonomous people with the power to shape our own stories.

Thanks For Consuming!

Phia

“Each Day Gets Better”